It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
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