i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
