I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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