Kiss
Puke
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
