you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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