i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
