I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
