Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
