it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
