I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize