This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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