It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
