that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I seem to have left my pride at pride
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
