I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
