bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
