From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
