She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
