I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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