It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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