So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Randomize
