My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
