I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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