Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
