sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
