I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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