If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
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On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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