I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
