If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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