all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
