Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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