I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
