you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
