Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
