I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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