just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
