Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
This is my gift to your gina
The uberlube is also flammable
I want to fling myself into the sun
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
