shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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