Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
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