So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
