i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
