I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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