now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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