I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
You can't just leave with hair like that
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
