There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
