I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
You left your phone here
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