Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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