I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
me + whiskey = a bad person
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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