I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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