I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I'm passing your future prison.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
