a queef is a wish your heart makes.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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