Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
This can only be settled by a dance off.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
