problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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