Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Two words: blizzard sex
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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