I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
