Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
