I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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