Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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