Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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