do herpes really smell.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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